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S L E E P I N G / C O S L E E P I N G

When you become a parent sleep takes on a whole new meaning. You are now looking after this little person with no sleep rhythm or experience with sleep, plus you need to manage your own rest and sleep to ensure you look after yourself, and particularly your mental wellbeing, during this huge transition in life.  I definitely hit some stumbling blocks along the way, but these generally happened when I was either plain tired with all things life and parenthood, or when I listened too much to ...

K I N D Y

Looking back on the last 6 weeks I didn't know if we'd get here when we started the journey to transition Lachie into kindy, let alone it happening within less than a couple of months.  Here's a rundown of how it went... The first day I dropped Lachie at kindy was emotional. I thought I was prepared and had it all in check, but as soon as my hand hit the gate the tears started rolling. Due to covid the rules were for parents to only stay for 10mins to settle their children, so this is what ...

Learning to trust your intuition

Recently while pondering the opinions people have on choices I make as a mama these words dropped in for me… It’s not you that’s broken and therefore can’t hear your instinct, your intuition, your higher self. It’s the words of others drowning out your own inner voice that creates doubt.  Oh my yes!!! I’ve always known what I need from within and as I look back over past experiences I can see this play out 🤷‍♀️ In a past relationship I knew instinctively for a...

Co-Sleeping

Before experiencing something it's very easy to have an opinion on how others do it, and this has never been more true for me than about being a parent.  Before becoming a mum there are things I thought I would do differently than I am in reality - and one of these things is co-sleeping. I never thought I would co-sleep, and part of me still cringes a little inside when I admit that we do co-sleep sometimes.  Sleeping is a big topic as a parent, it can influence so much of yo...

A new season arrives

It's been a while since I've carved out time to sit down at my keyboard and write a blog post. This is all for good reason, as I've taken the time I wanted and needed to look after our son during his first year earthside, been navigating motherhood, resting and finding my way with work in the mix as well over the last 6 months.  Kamala has always been in the back of my mind, but I've felt no guilt over letting it sit still during this time, knowing I can pick it up again when the time is ri...

Receiving

I've known for a long time that I'm not the best at accepting help. I don't think I'm unique in this manner, as we are taught to be strong and independent = to look after our own shit and therefore not to impose on others by needing their help.  After doing some reflection on the feelings that were coming up for me I think this comes from two main places for me. The first is my need to be needed, to be the one looking after others so that I have purpose and value in the lives of others, bec...

Discovering my loneliness

I was feeling a bit off last week, I guess you could say I was feeling a bit down and blue, so I tuned into myself and gave myself some mental space to find clarity in what I was feeling.  To my astonishment, I found myself feeling lonely. I say to my astonishment, because I'm very rarely on my own these days, but I think that makes it feel even more important to share this.  As a new Māmā I've had lots of visitors over the last few months, which I'm extremely grateful for....

Vulnerability is the key to an enriched life

I've started walking regularly again after giving birth, and I've always liked listening to podcasts while out walking. I stumbled upon Michelle Obamas new podcast on Spotify and thought I'd give it a go. In one of her podcasts I listened to yesterday she was talking with three young women she's worked with and been a mentor for about growth, failure and success.  A statement Michelle made really resonated with me - "vulnerability is the key to success". While I was out walking I pondered t...

I'm back - post natal musings

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I'm feeling the pull to start writing again after pregnancy and meeting our beautiful wee man.  What an experience! It's been a whirlwind 12 months, meeting my amazing man who showers me in so much love, support and makes me laugh like I've never laughed. Then finding out we were pregnant and feeling so blessed to be able to become a mum. And finally giving birth to our baby, bringing him home and getting to know him and our new life together. ...

Being uncomfortable with going inward

Things have changed in the last month with the spread of Covid-19 meaning that we are now living in 'bubbles' with physically distancing enforced by our government.  This means that for a lot of us our days look very different to how they did only a few weeks ago. For some they are now busier than ever, either working in essential services, supporting essential services or trying to prepare for once the current restrictions are removed. The other side of the coin is that with many businesse...

Stepping into my future

Two months ago I experienced a blessing I wasn't sure I would ever experience, but had always hoped for.  I found out that I'm pregnant, which filled me with joy and excitement.  If you've read my previous posts you will possibly know that I was in a non-healthy relationship for 9 years, and some might have thought I 'wasted' my best child bearing years.  If I'm honest I had wondered if I would meet someone I would want to spend my life with and create a family, or if th...

Manifestation

I've been focusing more and more on manifesting the life that I desire, and the more that I invest in this practice the more I am rewarded with beautiful things happening in my life. For me manifestation looks like two things in particular. Practicing gratitude, positive self talk and speaking in the affirmative to the universe. Someone said to me that the universe works in the affirmative, so if you say (whether it is self talk in your head, something you write, or say out loud) ...

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome has been coming into my awareness a lot recently. This is something that I've struggled with for as long as I can remember, so I figured it was time I share my experiences and its affect on me. Even when I was growing up I used to feel like an imposter but back then it was about being an imposter in my group of friends. I would say that I was on the edge of the "cool group" at school, which often left me feeling like I was going to be '=found out, that peopl...

Taking control of my health back

I'm quite open about the fact that I put on weight when I'm on medication for anxiety. This has been a long standing thing, since I first went on medication when I was 20, my mum was the same, and I know some other people who have had similar experiences.  I'm over it!  I have never joined a gym before, but I joined a boxing gym that I love back at the start of September, but unfortunately a week later I was in a car accident which left me with some pretty severe brusing...

The consequences of the life we've created

Like most of my blog posts, this one is following a chat with a friend about the way we have changed over a relatively short period of time. When you think about it, the way we live has changed drastically over the last couple of hundred years. My generation is the first to grow up with computers, and our younger generations are the first to grow up with smart phones, social media and 24/7 connectedness.  But is this better? I feel like we are going to reach a defining moment in the ne...

Courageous Conversations

On Friday night I was a panelist at an event called Courageous Conversations as part of Toi Wahine Festival.  The panel consisted of Briony (life coach, change maker and challenge seeker), Jessica Quinn (motivational speaker, model and storyteller), Kelsy Scott (education coordinator, photographer and diversity celebrator), Shayma'a Arif (refugee and human rights lawyer, volunteer and house of peach founder), and myself - wow, what a group! We were brought together to share our experie...

Accepting the beautiful person you are

Do you ever have someone tell you what they think of you and just have it blow your mind? I was catching up with a friend today and I was talking to her about a workshop that I just attending to learn how to hold space for people.  For part of the workshop we had to pair up and spend four minutes speaking to our partner with them remaining neutral - no responding or expressions. I found the part of this exercise where I was speaking extremely uncomfortable. I was surprised at how difficult ...

Is equality just a dream?

Anyone who knows me well knows that I will stand up for anyone and fight for the equal rights of all. This has always been a part of me, and has caused many heated discussions with people over the years as I express my opinions around the rights of all. I recently read an article on Stuff about New Zealanders white anxiety which fired me up. The article talks about hate speech and crime. The journalist shares a conversation she recently had with a friend who read the manifesto of the man who kil...

Connecting with my spiritual guardians

Last night I attended another Cacoa and Sound Healing Ceremony at Sun Salute with Irma Schutte.  I've attended about 4-5 of these sessions and each one has been a different experience, and last night I had quite an intense experience.  When I arrived at the ceremony I felt a bit agitated and uncomfortable, but I just sat with it and tried not to focus on it or resist it.  As I sunk into the meditation I started to have a lot of positive affirmations pop into my mind - 'you are wor...

Know thy Chakras

Last weekend I had the lovely Sarah Vassella join me to run our 'Know your Chakras' workshop. I was so excited to hold this workshop, because I didn't know much about Chakras other than what I've picked up here and there through yoga and other things.  I'd heard that there are 7, that they are energy centres in the body, and they can become blocked but that was pretty much the extent.  Chakras are the various focal points in the subtle body used in a variety of ancient meditation pract...

Holding safe space

You might hear people, including me, talk about 'safe space' or 'holding space', and wonder what the hell that means, so I thought I'd share what it means for me. Over the years I've encountered and had relationships with lots of different people - all sorts of relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, being a daughter, sister, cousin and more - and through these relationships I've learnt that we all have a different energy and reason for 'being'.  Each interaction with the people...

My Energy Cup

I've got a concept that I don't think is unique to me, but I want to share with you. I have this imaginary cup that holds my energy. This energy is used up and also topped up by spending time with other people, and I can also top it up by spending time on my own resting and restoring.  Whether the people I'm around top up or take from my energy cup depends on the type of interaction we have - if I spend time with someone who is going through a hard time, struggling with something and needs ...

The comfort of routine/control

An old friend used to give me shit for my love of routine. She thought it was crazy that every Saturday morning I would do my groceries and come home to do my housework. For her these things would happen organically as they needed to.  I often felt shamed for how attached to these routines I was. It was like I was too rigid, not fun or spontaneous, too controlling.  And of course knowing what I know now and looking back I was using routine to give me a sense of control. I think th...

Goodbye May

I like to think I'm a 'cup half full' kinda person, but life is real and I'd be fooling myself if I didn't feel the shit feelings. May has been shit.  I went to a Cacoa and Sound Healing Ceremony, which was amazing, but I think it brought some things up to the surface, which isn't a bad thing, I just wasn't prepared for it.  I had a pretty full on menstrual cycle which left me feeling exhausted. May 2018 was pretty tumultuous for me after my long term relationship came to an end - in a...

The Good Stuff

Winter can be tough, we go into hibernation mode and start to isolate ourselves. This can start a bit of a spiral where the winter blues set in, so this winter I'm going to do my best to keep the good stuff in my life. Spending time with friends - potlucks, walks, lunches out and general catch ups.  To get outside when the sun is shining to feel the sun on my skin and get some vitamin D. Move and stretch my body with yoga and walks - I want to start going to a new yoga class a friend o...